A Silent Stillness—Buried Alive by Diane Metivier-Hart

Author:Diane Metivier-Hart [Metivier-Hart, Diane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781524579463
Publisher: Xlibris US
Published: 2017-02-08T05:00:00+00:00

One of the first pictures of Eric and me after leaving the cult.

I stayed out of the cult for a year before going home so that they couldn’t harm my parents. I heard of things being thrown in the windows of parents’ homes, and cars were blown up in retaliation for those leaving the cult. I feared for my life and my family’s safety. I think Jim protected us in however way he could because I never had any problem or retaliation from the cult.

When I look back on this part of my life, I can see how it happened. I was enamored with the dentist. He was charismatic, just a super guy. My life was so isolated back then, cut off from my high school friends too soon. The most exciting thing to do in the small desert town of Hesperia, where we had moved to when Jim was transferred, was to walk up the street and watch the train go by at 5:00 p.m. I was left alone with Eric and isolated.

Jim followed me into the cult. I was so angry and told him, “I came here to get away from you.” It was mean, but I didn’t know what to do. He then became really intrigued by the cult and moved up in the ranks; it broke his mother’s heart when he didn’t ever leave. She never blamed me, saying, “If you could get out, so could he, if he wanted.” I felt guilty. Jim became a devoted member for eight years before his untimely death in a car accident at thirty-two years old. He knew where Eric was, but he would never tell me, he couldn’t.

I’ve always felt guilty about the effect the cult had on Eric. He admitted that he always had this deep hurt of his father rejecting him, and the connection that we both lost when cult members took him for nine months. His biggest memory was shoveling manure from the horse corral. And the fire. They did abuse him in some ways, such as making him sit for hours meditating for showing emotion. He felt sad and lonely and wanted to go home. I am so proud of Eric for the strong, good, hardworking person he is today.

Eight years later, Jim, who was thirty-two, and Saul’s sister, eighteen, were driving to the cult’s desert compound, and he was killed in a car accident. He was thrown out of the truck and hit the pavement at a high speed. Coincidentally, this is how he had said he wanted to die during a get-together with friends at our apartment one evening over a decade earlier. He wanted to go out in “grand style,” he said, if you want to call it that. We were all shocked. I still feel sad for Jim.

Getting out of the cult took every ounce of strength, and other people are amazed that I got out by myself. I was determined to make my life a success. And I fought my way every inch of the way.

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